Today, I had my first ob appointment for this baby. It is starting to feel weird to talk about my pregnancies. (Did I say, ‘starting’? It’s been weird) I always feel a bit…odd when they ask me how many pregnancies I’ve had.
“Six, including this one.”
“And when was your first one?”
“Five years ago.”
Usually, this is about the time I get a slow stare.
“So, you have had six pregnancies in five years?”
“Yes, but one of them didn’t go to term, and that baby is in heaven.”
More staring, while I awkwardly move around on the crinkly paper they have in the rooms.
I should learn to embrace the awkwardness.
Just like I have been learning to embrace my life lately. I have realized that there has been some discontent in my life in the area of my home. We have moved to the country, but I think my heart and mind are still stuck in Better Homes and Gardens. When you move into an old home in the country, you probably aren’t going to have Better Homes and Gardens visions any time soon. Hence, the reason we were going to remodel. Now, that we have baby #5 on the way, remodeling dreams are being pushed back a bit.
So, I have to learn contentment in my space. I know that my space is not as homey as I would like. God knows it is certainly not as clean as I want. And, do all homes with small children have a constant smell to them?
No, my home is not a source of pride for me. I have to force myself to move past the beautiful home pictures on Instagram so I don’t get stuck in the comparison trap.
I have to remind myself that instead of a beautiful home, I have this:
I’ll take the mess, as long as I have this.
That man in the picture, there? I had no idea when I married him what an incredible treasure I was getting. Sure, I knew he was a good guy. However, I had no idea the extent of his amazingness. Growing up in a home with anger and abuse, I really had no idea it was possible to have such a rich and beautiful marriage. I thought it was the stuff of fairy tales and dreamers. But, I feel like I am living it every day. Seven years into our marriage and I am more in love with him than I could ever imagine. This man has made it possible (ONLY by the grace of God), it is because of this man that our marriage is so precious. He is my stud, my best friend, my fearless leader and my rock who leads me to the Rock that is stronger than him.
I praise God for you, my sweet husband!