“Wifeing. It’s a thing. I’m not sure why we don’t talk more about wifeing. It’s the act of being a wife. I might have made it up. But, if we have parenting and homemaking, then we might as well add wifeing to the list.
Here’s the thing. I don’t just want to be a wife. I don’t even want to just be a good wife. I want to be a godly wife. I don’t want to be a wife that makes my husband happy. I want to be a wife that helps my husband toward holiness. I want my husband to think of me; not as someone who makes him happy (although I hope I do), nor as someone who makes his life easier (I think I do that), but as someone in his life who encourages him to become more of the man that God wants him to be.
Here are some characteristics of a godly wife that I hope I can display, and that I pray that God will work on in me.
- She trusts the Lord. The Bible talks a lot about anxiety and worry. I think women are prone to worry. Maybe it started in the garden when Eve worried about how God was going to react to the apple snack. Worry and trust cannot go hand in hand. If we are worried about our life, then it is a sign that we are not trusting in the Lord and His sovereignty. Worry is not something that encourages our husbands. An anxious and worried wife does not help her husband toward holiness. Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
- She seeks the Lord. A godly woman seeks after the Lord. She seeks first His kingdom. I struggle with this one without realizing it. When something difficult, or exciting happens in my life, I often want to run to my man first. Likewise, when my man is making me crazy, I want to run to him first (and blame, or criticize, etc). A godly woman doesn’t go to her man, or anyone else first, she seeks the Lord. This looks like going to God with my heart when something disappointed me. It looks like seeking out God’s wisdom when I’m struggling with an issue in our marriage. Matthew 6:33 – “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
- She prays for her man, her marriage and herself. I am striving to become a woman of prayer. I wish I lived close to a prayer warrior who could mentor me in this area. Instead, I am going off the example of a special woman to me (that’s you Mrs. Angel!) and some good books. I know that a characteristic of a godly woman is prayer. Being a woman of prayer means trusting in God to work things out, rather than trusting in myself. I have learned that when I pray about issues with Greg, they somehow work out so much quicker and easier than when I try on my own. Psalm 107:28-30 “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven”
- She is modest. A godly woman isn’t seeking her self worth in men. The power women have over men is a strong one that can become an addiction just as much as pornography is an addiction in men. I recently read a thought provoking article about backward porn addiction, explaining the negative impact of women trying to seduce and lure men with their clothing. I don’t want to be a woman who seeks the attention of other men. I don’t even want to get my worth from the attention of my own man. I want to be content in who I am, as God made me. Without having to show off a bunch of my skin. Modesty isn’t covering yourself in thick robes, but if you are uncertain what modesty looks like, I highly recommend you take the time to figure it out for yourself. I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes (1 Timothy 2:9, NIV).
- She has a gentle and quiet spirit. I am in the process of learning what this means and seeking the Lord to add this to my life. I believe that it means a woman who does not always have to be right. A woman who is gentle and quiet doesn’t always have to have her say in the conversation. She is more prayerful than petulant. More compassionate than conflicting. More soft-hearted than salty. I don’t think it means that she is always the quiet one in the group, but more that she is content to be if she needs to. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. (2 Timothy 2:24, NIV) Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:4, NIV)
- She is trustworthy. That means that when her husband requests her to do something, she follows through. I have a tendency to tell Greg I will do something and then…forget. I am not capturing the trust of my husband when I do this. A trustworthy wife is also one who is wise in who she talks to. She does not go and blab about her husband to all her girlfriends. She speaks respectfully about him. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-16).
- She serves the Lord in whatever she is doing. Changing diapers can be a service to the Lord, just as serving refugees is. A godly woman has an attitude of service. She doesn’t feel entitled, nor does she feel put out by opportunities to serve others. A godly wife examples this to her family and encourages them to do the same. Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men. – Colossians 3:23
- She respects her husband. Respect isn’t something that we should only give our husbands if they deserve it. The same way we wouldn’t want him to only give us love when we have earned it. Respect is a command from God. We must love our husbands and obey God by showing them respect. The hard part is figuring out what respect looks like to your husband and then doing it! “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
- She loves others. Oh how easy it is to get caught up in the ‘me culture’! I deserve this, or I have a right to that. But, I’m convinced that our marriages would all change drastically if we stopped focusing on ourselves and what we deserve and start focusing on others and how we can love them better. 1 John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
- She works hard. This doesn’t mean that a woman who wants to be a godly wife must go out in the fields and work from sun up to sun down. It means that whatever she is doing, she works hard. She isn’t lazy. There is a balance here, though. A godly woman does NOT get her self worth from working hard. Neither does a godly woman work hard to prove something. Rather, she works hard to get what she needs done because it is her task. I might add, she also does this joyfully. Proverbs 31:17 “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.”
As you can see, I have a long way to go before I feel like I could call myself a godly wife. I’m so grateful for a husband who is patient with me in the process.