Doing something right

As a mama, I feel tasked with one of the most important jobs in the world. I am raising tomorrow’s leaders. I am trying to develop character while creating good habits. I feel like my job is so huge and yet, I do not feel equipped. I am often plagued with feelings of guilt.

I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my kids, and missing those special moments with them. I feel guilty for spending too much time with them and therefore stinting their independent play.

I feel guilty for disciplining, I feel guilty for being too lenient.

I feel guilty for putting them to bed early and making them miss out on extra playtime, I feel guilty for letting them stay up too late and get overtired.

Guilt is not an uncommon feeling for me during the day.

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I know I’m not the only mama who feels as if I am not doing this mama thing right.

Yet, when I take a step back from all those guilty thoughts, I realize that I am doing a few things right.

I see that in the moments when Benjamin hugs Gracie and tells her, “I just want to love on you.”

I see it in the moments that Levi plays independently and doesn’t need to be held every second of every day.

I see it when Gracie talks to her ‘children’ (aka her stuffed animals) in a way that is sweet and tender and I realize she is pretending to be me.

I see it when all three children play together and enjoy each other.

I see it when Benjamin gives kisses to Levi when he is upset.

I see it when Gracie tells me that she wants to go to heaven so she can be with Jesus.

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Yes, there are some things that I am doing right as a mama. Probably, the main thing that I am doing right is getting out of the way and letting God love these children through me. Any time I have a parenting win and a successful day as a mama, I know it wasn’t me. It is the Lord loving His little ones by using me as a vessel. On the flip side, I can tell those days that I feel extra guilt in my parenting, is a direct result of trying to do this mama thing on my own effort and power. I just can’t do it.

I hope and pray that my children can see the love of God through me. I am blessed with the chance of being able to see the love and grace of our God through these little blessings.

Being a mama is full of all kinds of thoughts, feelings and internal battles. I need to aim to spend more time focusing on the successful moments and getting out of the way to let God do His work.

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And then there are moments like this:

I had just washed out a poopy diaper into the toilet when Benjamin came in to see what I was doing. He stepped up to peer over the toilet bowl and see what I was doing. He asked if he could flush the toilet, which is one of his favorite things to do right now. I told him he could, and as I walked away, I heard the toilet flush followed by his sweet little voice, “Goodbye poopy, I love you.”

I guess a little humor in our parenting also helps.

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