It’s thirty minutes past your bedtime. Usually, by this time, I am a running record, playing phrases like,
“Get back in your bed.”
“Please stop playing with your brother.”
and of course;
“No, you can’t have a drink of water.”
But not tonight. Tonight, you were all asleep within minutes of hitting your pillows. It was a full day, a busy day. I was sick and didn’t always respond in a loving way. You were tired and didn’t always make the best choices.
However, tonight was nice. I put you all down at different times, about ten minutes apart. That gave me a chance to snuggle with each of you before you fell asleep. This is one of the few nights that I didn’t hear you say, “Come back and snuggle, mama.” Since I snuggled you right into dreamland.
Every night you all ask me to snuggle just a little more. Every night you ask me to stay a little longer. Most nights, I have to respond, “Not tonight, sweetie.” We have been together all day, playing and exploring and nighttime is when I can catch up on cleaning up all those messes we make throughout the day.
But tonight, as I watched your sleepy eyes try to stay open in a desperate attempt to squeeze just a little more fun out of the day and I wondered about us. I wondered about you and me.
I wondered if you know the depth of my love for you. I wondered if you realize that even when I make mistakes, which seems so frequent, I still love you with an abiding and deepening love. I wondered if you knew that even those time when I can’t stay and snuggle, that doing so would be one of my favorite things to do.
Tomorrow you will wake up and be a day older. You will be one day closer to the time when I lie down to snuggle and you say, “Not tonight, mama.”
I can’t always snuggle each of you to sleep. But I will be grateful for tonight. I will hope and pray that as you fly on the wings of your dreams, that you will be secure in my love. You will know that no matter how many times I mess up, or how many mistakes you make, I will always love you. I am proud of you. I am so grateful for you.
You are my gift, given directly from the hands of heaven.
Sleep tight little ones.